We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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