i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
