Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
