I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize