so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
