Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
