I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
