No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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