Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
