Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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