Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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