Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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