Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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