I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
