Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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