Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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