Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
