If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
