I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
