Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
