You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
