OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
