I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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