Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i have two assholes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
