...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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