he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
