...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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