8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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