he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
