Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone came in the potted fern
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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