Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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