so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
