Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
