u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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