So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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