I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
