turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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