Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
