is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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