Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
