So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
