had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
