Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
