sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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