Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
