he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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