I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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