I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
