She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
