I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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