omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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