did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
