I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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