if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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