No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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