he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
