i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ttyl tear gas
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
