She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
