I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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