please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
