you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
