Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
