you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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