They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
