Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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