I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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