I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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