I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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